Monday, November 2, 2009

Another Pointless List: Venture Bros. Characters 5-1

I know you're all dying to see the top 5 Venture Bros. characters since lists make everyone OCD and they must be finished. So let's get to gettin'.

5. Rusty Venture

Former boy adventure Rusty Venture had a hard time transitioning into super scientist. His childhood was filled with more lizardmen assualts than baseball games. As an adult, he suffers from nasty pill addictions and inadequacy brought on by his famous scientist father. His two boys, Dean and Hank, are the shows namesake. He may not ever win father of the year, but... well, he's just a pretty awful dad.

4. The  Monarch

Dr. Venture's arch nemesis, The Monarch is a super villain who operates out of a giant flying cocoon. His obsessive hatred for Dr. Venture is only matched by his incompetence. He also wears a giant butterfly costume. So there's that.

3. Henchmen 21 and 24

Technically two people, but due to 24's untimely demise I'm combining them into one entry. Hope that's okay with everyone. These two are the Monarch's best men, not for their aptitude, but for their rare blend of expendable and invulnerable. At least they did, until 24 just had to buckle his seat belt. Why?!?!?!

2. Doctor Byron Orpheus

Grand Necromancer and neighbor to the Ventures, Dr. Orpheus stands on the threshold of the ethereal wastelands. A beacon of light in the barren hills of the underworld. Magical powers that would make any sorcerer blush and a taste for the dramatic, Orpheus acts as leader for the Order of the Triad. He also has a gothy daughter, Triana.

1. Brock Sampson

The best damn bodyguard ever to grace the ranks of OSI, Brock Sampson loves to kill and he's good at it. The mentor you always dreamed you'd have, Brock will watch your back, snap a super villains neck, and sex up a floozy all with the same punch. Brock's the fear of all henchmen the world over, as he should be if you check out his body count. The blonde mullet, the sweet car, the biceps that seem to go on forever, plus he's great with kids. God bless you Brock Sampson.

Honorable mention: Truckules, The Alchemist, Dr. Dugong, Pirate Captain, Action Man, Col. Horace Gentleman, Sergeant Hatred, Col. Hunter Gathers, Dr. Henry Killinger, The Sovereign, Girl Hitler, Manic Hateball, Catclops, King Gorilla, Grand Galactic Inquisitor, Manotaur, Scaramantula, Holy Diver, Sky Pilot, Captain Sunshine, Ghost Robot, and Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Nightmare Coat. Actually, while I'm at it, Hank and Dean Venture, it's there show after all.

You can see why it was so hard to choose. Go Team Venture!

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